I know I'm not the one I would like to be, and maybe sometimes I'm not the one you think I am. But I don't know who I am. And I am scared because when you don't know who you are it's hard to know what's right to do, maybe that's why I do wierd things, just because I don't know what to do instead. Everyone says 'just be yourself and everything's gonna be alright', but it's not that easy. And if you hate yourself, the one  you are, you don't want to be that person. And I'm scared to do something or say something that I shouldn't (I know I do that way to often), that's why I try to be by myself. But I want you to know that it's not my intention to be rude, it's just that sometimes everything isn't what it should be, it's the complete opposite, and then I need some time for myself. And I'm so, so sorry for these times, when you don't understand and I never explain. For these times I just ignore and walk away, and you stand there like a fool, I hope you understand that I am the fool. And sometimes, when it's really bad, I can't find anything in my life that's worth living for, and all I can do is cry and wish I was somewhere else, where I couldn't hurt anyone, where I was someone else. But I want you all to know that I am so glad that you're my friends and that you're always there when I want you to be there. And to be honest I can't understand how you manage to stand out with me, I wouldn't, I think you should have some prize or something, because what you do sometimes is unbelieveble. But I'm very happy that you do stand out with me... maybe you know something about me that I don't...

/ Ellen Heiman


And for you, who always makes me happy, even if you don't know it, you're my hero.